In this episode, Mikaela shares her experiences of becoming a mum to two, reflecting on her challenging births, the emotional impact of feeding difficulties, significant postpartum mental health struggles, and the difficult decision to step away from a career she had once loved.
Mikaela lives in regional New South Wales, with her partner Michael and their two children. Before becoming a mother, she worked in intensive care nursing, a career she was deeply passionate about. During her first pregnancy, Mikaela spent a lot of time preparing for the birth she hoped to have, but her experience was very different from what she had imagined. After a long and difficult labour, she experienced a significant postpartum haemorrhage requiring blood transfusions and an extended hospital stay.
We talk about the physical and emotional impact of this experience, including the challenges of recovering while learning to care for a newborn. Mikaela also shares her difficult breastfeeding journey, which became an enormous source of pressure and anxiety. Despite the significant toll it was taking on her physical and emotional wellbeing, she struggled to give herself permission to stop breastfeeding. When she eventually transitioned to formula feeding, she experienced feelings of guilt and judgement, and found herself wanting to justify her decision to others.
Mikaela reflects on how she began to withdraw socially and struggled with her mental health, while appearing to everyone around her to be coping well. Although she accessed some support in those early months, she largely pushed her feelings aside, believing that she needed to move on from what had happened.
When Mikaela became pregnant with her second child, she hoped that a planned caesarean would provide a more controlled and positive birth experience. However, when her spinal anaesthetic was inadequate, she experienced significant pain during surgery and ultimately required a general anaesthetic. Once again, her birth looked very different from what she had hoped for.
We then discuss the challenges Mikaela faced returning to work in intensive care after becoming a mother, and how her experiences of birth and postpartum changed the way she felt about a career she had previously loved. During her second postpartum period, Mikaela began studying child and family health nursing, eventually transitioning into this area of healthcare. However, the demands of combining work, study and caring for two young children, alongside the emotional impact of her previous experiences, contributed to a significant deterioration in her mental health.
Mikaela speaks incredibly openly about the depression, shame and isolation she experienced, and how difficult it was to acknowledge that she needed help. Despite struggling for several years, it was only recently that she felt able to seek ongoing professional support. She shares how counselling, medication and more open conversations with her partner have helped her begin to feel better and reconnect with her family.
Looking back, Mikaela reflects on how much she has been through, the importance of seeking support, and the pride she is beginning to feel in how far she has come. Her story is an important reminder that we cannot always tell how someone is coping from the outside, and that even when we have so much to be grateful for, our struggles are still valid.
Thank you so much to Breastmates for supporting this episode of The Postpartum Season. You can explore their range at breastmates.co.nz.