Episode 27 | Lucia
In this episode, Lucia shares the story of becoming a mother to her first son, Edmund, and how his short life profoundly shaped her experience of motherhood.
After a straightforward pregnancy, Lucia’s waters unexpectedly broke at 24 weeks. She spent the following two weeks in hospital before becoming unwell and delivering Edmund at 26 weeks via an emergency classical caesarean under general anaesthetic. Edmund weighed just 820 grams and was admitted to NICU, where Lucia and her husband David spent the next 40 days alongside him.
Lucia reflects on recovering physically from birth while spending her days in NICU, pumping milk for Edmund, struggling with her mental health and seeking support. She speaks with enormous warmth about the NICU team who cared for their family and about Edmund himself — his resilience, his tiny features and the precious time they were able to spend together.
After it became clear that Edmund had a congenital lung condition and that treatment could not provide him with a sustainable life, Lucia and David made the devastating decision to move him into palliative care. Lucia shares what it was like to spend those final days together, to hold Edmund as he died, and to create memories with him afterwards.
We talk about the postpartum experience after the death of a baby, including leaving hospital without your child, grief becoming intertwined with matrescence, and the importance of having support that validates whatever you are feeling. Lucia also reflects on how differently she and David grieved, and the advice from their perinatal psychologist that helped them respect one another’s individual experience.
Lucia shares the many ways her family continues to honour Edmund - speaking his name, creating a book for his cousins, fundraising for families in NICU and holding a special workout each year on his birthday. She also reflects on how becoming Edmund’s mum changed her values, her relationship with paid work and the kind of mother and person she wanted to be.
Finally, Lucia shares her journey towards trying for another baby and later welcoming Alfie and Watson. She reflects on how her experience with Edmund shaped her subsequent postpartum seasons and the way she now approaches parenting, with a deep awareness of how precious life can be.
This is a deeply moving conversation about love, loss, grief, identity and the enduring experience of being a mother to a child who is no longer physically here.
Thank you to this week’s sponsor, Rest in the Postpartum Season - guided yoga nidra practices created for mothers.
If you’re looking for a simple way to slow down, rest and take a little time for yourself, you can find practices ranging from five to fifteen minutes at
https://www.thepostpartumseason.com/rest-in-the-postpartum-season-1